How it started
As I’ve grown older (30+), I find myself spending more and more time alone. While I value my independence and peacefulness, I can’t help but feel a need to get a partner in crime to share my life with. The feeling of loneliness has started to creep in, and I’m ready to find someone to settle if possible.
So I asked around in my friend circle, I often get asked the same question, “what kind of partner are you searching for?” It frustrates me when I can’t lay out my thoughts straight, and it’s very inefficent. So I figured I could write them down, since there is nothing secretive about.
Basically I’m looking for a girl who is similar to me, who shares similar value and lifestyle, I believe that’s what makes a relationship successful.
Values I look for
Positive Vibes
I am a naturally optimistic and happy person, and I value it. And I have also worked hard for it.
I find it challenging to work or live with pessimistic/negative people. While I do understand people could have concerns, complaints, trauma etc, but they have to be contained in my view.
Don’t get me wrong, I do my fair share of venting often, but I am actively trying to improve and be more positive all the time.
Receptive / Open-minded / learn and change
I came from a country on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. While I have a deep appreciation for American and Western culture, I cannot deny that my Asian roots in my heart. Ideally, I would love to find someone who shares a similar background or interested in Asian culture.
PS. I would like to write an article discussing the differences between Asian culture and American culture.
I’m quite curious and open-minded most of time, feeling excited to learn new things and expand my knowledge sphere. It would be a pain for both us if you want to stay “rest and vest”.
Supportive / Empathetic / Feminine trait
Despite not being a Feeler(In MBTI’s parlance), I believe my upbringing has made me less attuned to emotions. However, I highly value female who are caring, supportive, and empathetic. Smart, ambition, and being strong are not very necessary trait for me, as I am happy to take on the traditional masculine role of responsibility.
I do not consider myself a macho person by the way, I’m a mild feminist.
Lifestyles I look for
Intuition
In MBTI’s parlance again: I am an “Ni” (Introverted Intuitive) person, meaning I am naturally drawn to abstract things/concepts rather than tangible objects.
For example, my typical table topics often centered around like macro/micro economy, technology, business, personal growth, and psychology. I tend to overlook discussions about material possessions/obsessions or sensory experiences, such as fine dining, sightseeing, beauty, partying etc.
Bringing this up not to put it as a requirement but to seek understanding, I know lots of people are not like me, and I understand. I hope my partner understands my interest as well.
Emotional Stability
I am happy to say that I am quite emotional stable and I place a high value on it. It is disheartening for me to see people who struggle with their emotions.
I find solace in learning Stoicism(an ancient Greek philosophy). As Nasim Taleb eloquently stated, Stoicism is “the domestication of emotions, not their elimination.”
Maintaining a consistent light mood is critically important for me. I understand that it may not be easy for everyone, myself included, to achieve this consistently. Let’s work together to improve on this aspect.
Money
I have always been known for my frugal lifestyle, I often joke about it that my spending habits are more inline with a new grad. But for me, it’s a conscious choice. I have very little interest in material possessions and I do prioritize saving money. As long as it doesn’t affect my health or consume too much of my time.
I may not be fond of people who constantly seek out a lavish lifestyle. While I understand the occasional desire to indulge in worldly pleasures, I believe it should be done consciously and in moderation.
I strongly believe in the power of investing and currently have a significant portion of my portfolio allocated to high-risk assets such as stocks and crypto(Bitcoin). However, as I continue to grow and diversify my investments, I plan to gradually shift towards more stable assets like Real Estate and bonds. It’s important to me that my partner shares a similar mindset and is not too much afraid to take calculated risks.
Active, Energy (Physically and mentally)
I am passionate about staying active both physically and mentally. I am looking for a partner who also values physical activity and would be open to joining me in activities such as hiking, jogging, swimming, kayaking etc, and more during our free time.
I am also enthusiastic about continuous learning and broadening my understanding. Whether it’s delving into new concepts, experimenting with different techniques, or trying out new recipes, I am constantly seeking ways to expand my knowledge. I take great pleasure in sharing my findings with my partner and am always eager to see their response.
Physical Appearance
I’m not a saint, I’m also attracted to good-looking girls. However, I’ve come to understand that physical appearance isn’t a very important factor in a relationship(Of course it’s nice to be photogenic). What truly matters is compatibility in terms of personality, values, and lifestyle match.
In the end
There you have it! These are the things I can think of for a successful relationship for me. Of course, the list is not exhaustive, but we can start from here.